Jersey Shore.....First the Hills, then all of MTV

12/29/09 Jersey Shore takes over MTV

Ok, maybe I have a little too much free time on my hands…but here's a thoughts on the Jersey Shore

A couple of things jump to mind about the new MTV show on the Jersey shore

• It’s classic east coast. The guys (weather you like them or not) work out like fiends, they’re all pretty diesel. Meanwhile the girls all seem to think that there’s nothing wrong with them that a little spray tan and a wonder bra can’t fix. Typical. These girls couldn’t get a job waiting tables at Waffle house in Cali. Can you imagine how ridiculed “snookie” would be if she were on the Hills? She’d be the reality show equivalent of the “fat chic” from Wilson Phillips.

• And speaking of the Hills, how long do you think any one of those people would last in the jersey shore house? Kristin is supposed to be “the bitch” --- can you imagine if she tried any shit with J –Wow?

It would look like Kimbo slice vs. Dustin Diamond. Not pretty.

And what about the “bad-boys”—how about Spencer or Justin Bobby trying to pull some attitude shit with the Jersey Boys? Don’t see that working out too well either.

• Break out star of the show has to be “The Situation”…if he doesn’t get his own show…or at least be on VH1 dating show (“STICKY SITUATION”) I will be severely disappointed. And if you’re his agent and you don’t already have him producing an Abs workout DVD, you need to be fired. I didn’t see it a Christmas, but if he doesn’t come out with “The Spring Break Situation: Get beach ready abs in 15 minutes a day” in early February, something is way wrong.

• Finally, I beg you MTV. Please include the Jersey Shore cast in future “Gauntlet” Real World/Road Rules Challenges. This has to happen. If they thought they had found the ultimate in sociopaths with the current crew, this could push them into reality TV nirvanah.

Tiger's PR Fix...

This is a little late in coming, I wrote it a few weeks back, but just getting around to posting it.


Tigers PR Strategy.

We in the US want to bury our celebrities when the screw up. Why? Because it makes them seem “more like us” (my favorite segment of US weekly…)

But just as quickly as we want to bury them, we also want to forgive them? Why you ask? Because we all have dark secrets and would want the same thing (Stars: Their Just like us! … They have mistresses and use drugs!)

So, I’m not saying this is right, but it truly is a pretty simple story to fix his image.

The Pitch:
It goes something like this…After his knee surgery; Tiger became dependant (not “addicted”) to pain killers to get around. The death of his father already had sent him into a tailspin as he lost his “moral rudder.”

While his wife and family were still the most important thing in his life, he was on the road constantly trying to provide for them as he knew his father would have wanted and he began to dabble more in the partying lifestyle that is afforded a celebrity as a way to make he feel “whole”. The once he started to combine the painkillers with the alcohol, he began to spiral out of control. But he had this image to keep up for both his dad and his family, that’s why all the secrecy. But the stress of that only worsened the problems and he began to have trouble sleeping (thus the Ambien)

The potent combination of these three things (Ambien, Vicodin, Booze) opened up the addictive side of tiger. This is not uncommon for people who are as intense as tiger. The same fire that drives you to be the best golfer will drive you to drink the most, drug the most, and even screw the most. You need it all and you need it now.

The Fix:

You need to take the time away from golf. Get your life straight. Got to rehab. See Dr. Drew, or go to Promises. You need to lay low and let the news cycle do its thing.

But before you go you have to admit publically you’re an addict -- to booze, to pills, to sex, to golf…to everything. Bundle it together, and from now on, you can just say “I'm an addict and working on my recovery” and it covers all your sins. Let people know that even the perfection that they expect is whats driving this… That’s what its like to be Tiger Woods. A constant struggle…

Do it on Larry King. He's somewhat respectable, won’t drill you, and plays to the core ‘golf’ audience (old white people)

Next, when you come out of rehab. You need to do Oprah. No one else can get women back on your side. She’s the only person. If she’s retired, offer to do a primetime special with her. Cry. Cry a little. Don’t break down and don’t go Tom Cruise. But admit it hurts and that you see you’ve hurt other people, especially your wife and children. With Oprah by your side you’re 90% of the way back.

Finally, golf your ass off. Can you imagine the back nine on Augusta or Torrey Pines as you come back and tear up the course? The crowd is going nuts. CBS loves it because they are getting ridiculous ratings. It’s the classic comeback story we all love. Then watch the sponsors all line up again.

Kate moss got caught doing blow (SHOCKER! A model doing Cocaine) and lost all her sponsors. For like a month. They all came back. Why? Because she’s the best at what she does.

Follow my advice Tiger, and you’ll appear just fine.

Welcome to the Klownehaus!

Welcome to the Klownehaus!

Lots of stuff running through my head and needed a place to put it.

He'res as good as any. We dont take it too seriously, you shouldnt either.